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I know... it's been a while since i've written a "meaningful music" entry.... Lots of excuses, but no real reasons.

Anyways. this song just fitted what i'm feeling today and i don't really have the strength left in me to explain like i usually do. so i'll just post the song.

Sawyer Brown- They don't understand.Collapse )

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Well, it's that time of the week again....I had already decided a few days ago i was going to use "Silent all these Years" By Tori Amos..... but then Sara had me listen to this song the other day, and i think it's more appropriate for me.

<STRONG><EM><FONT color=#3333ff>Everclear- wonderfulCollapse )

My childhood was pretty bad. There's no questioning that. But things changed drastically when i turned 18, and when i left my mother's house. My relationship with her changed for the bad far before that, when her boyfriend did what he did, and when she remarried.

But it was just so much different when i moved out. First and most obvious, she disowned me and abandoned me. I started feeling a sense of hurt i'd never felt before. I jsut wanted to turn back the clock and find SOME way to just FIX everything and make it all better again...... WONDERFUL again. Well, it was never actually "wonderful", but there was a time when she was my mother and i was her daughter. Not just two people wandering aimlessly in the world.

that's  where this song brings me.


I just don’t understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

I remember when i moved in Colleen (after being kicked out by my mom) she would listen to me talk about how lonely i felt and how upset i was about my mom's abandonment and she would listen to me cry, and she would always tell me everything would get better. I hated when she would tell me this, because how could it EVER get any better when i was now being forced to live my life without my mother? No, i didn't believe it. And i didn't understand how she could sit there and tell me it when she was sitting there with tears in HER eyes.

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it’s all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won’t know
When the bell rings I just don’t wanna go home

WOW can i identify with this verse!!!!!

I loved school as a kid. LOVED it. So much, in fact, that when it would snow bad (we lived in connecticut, it snowed ALOT) i would PRAY that they wouldn't cancel school. I would DREAD the last few hours of the school day, and, when the bell would ring, i would CRY; literally. I didn't want to go home. Sometimes, when i was old enough to walk, i would purposely miss the bus so i could take my time walking home. Then, the last few years of middle school into high school, when i HAD to walk, my mother would give me a time limit to get home. When i had to run late for whatever reason, i would have to get a note from a teacher as to what i was doing... such as talking to  them about a grade or test (no other excuse was allowed, i wasn't allowed to participate in clubs or anything)

This song is very powerful for me, making it worthy for this week's Meaningful Music.

Current Mood:
tired tired
Current Music:
Shaggy- It wasn't me
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This weeks' Meaningful Music is from Sarah McLachlan.

fallenCollapse )

This song is my pick for this week because i happened to be browsing through videos online tonight (music videos) and it got me CRYING my eyes out. I was feeling really down, and couldn't cry for whatever reason. The video is about a breakup, and reminded me of Colleen. So, i watched it over and over and over just to cry and cry and cry. I needed to cry. Badly. I feel slightly better.

Sorry there's no real hidden meaning....just made me cry. That's why it's this weeks' Meaningful Music pick.

Current Mood:
sleepy sleepy
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I know, I know....y'all just about DIED from missing last weeks' "Meaningful Music," didn't you?

Umm......DIDN'T YOU??????? lol.

Well......the problem is that i don't do Meaningful Music until a song comes out and strikes me. And last week, a song just didn't. So, this will be last week's entry and i'll backdate it since noone really cares anyways :P

Tori Amos- Let It BeCollapse )


hmmmm.... i think this song is pretty self explanatory for how it affects me, but i'll go into it a little bit.

I've been dealing with alot of things in the past month or so, and depression is wearing me down. I've been thinking pretty negatively, instead of just accepting what is for what it is and letting it be. I need to move on, stop looking for all the "quick fixes" and get real with my prognosis. I need to slow down and just LET IT BE. Tori Amos is usually NOT my pick for songs to listen to, but i was listening to her song "sleeping with butterflies" on chance on the comptuer and really liked it. In fact, i wasgoing to use THAT as meaningful Music's song. But....this one just kinda seemed to jump out at me, and that's the point of Meaningful Music, so there ya have it....This weeks....Well, LAST weeks Meaningful Music.

Current Mood:
calm calm
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