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Meaningful Music.

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Well, it's that time of the week again....I had already decided a few days ago i was going to use "Silent all these Years" By Tori Amos..... but then Sara had me listen to this song the other day, and i think it's more appropriate for me.

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I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it’s over when I open them</font></em></strong>

I want the things that I had before
Like a star wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you’re little
And the world’s so big
I just don’t understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it’s all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won’t know
When the bell rings I just don’t wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don’t believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you’re little
And the world is so big
I just don’t understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I don’t wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I don’t wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I don’t wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I don’t wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I don’t wanna meet your friends
And I don’t wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now...

I don’t wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

My childhood was pretty bad. There's no questioning that. But things changed drastically when i turned 18, and when i left my mother's house. My relationship with her changed for the bad far before that, when her boyfriend did what he did, and when she remarried.

But it was just so much different when i moved out. First and most obvious, she disowned me and abandoned me. I started feeling a sense of hurt i'd never felt before. I jsut wanted to turn back the clock and find SOME way to just FIX everything and make it all better again...... WONDERFUL again. Well, it was never actually "wonderful", but there was a time when she was my mother and i was her daughter. Not just two people wandering aimlessly in the world.

that's  where this song brings me.

 

I just don’t understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

I remember when i moved in Colleen (after being kicked out by my mom) she would listen to me talk about how lonely i felt and how upset i was about my mom's abandonment and she would listen to me cry, and she would always tell me everything would get better. I hated when she would tell me this, because how could it EVER get any better when i was now being forced to live my life without my mother? No, i didn't believe it. And i didn't understand how she could sit there and tell me it when she was sitting there with tears in HER eyes.

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it’s all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won’t know
When the bell rings I just don’t wanna go home

WOW can i identify with this verse!!!!!

I loved school as a kid. LOVED it. So much, in fact, that when it would snow bad (we lived in connecticut, it snowed ALOT) i would PRAY that they wouldn't cancel school. I would DREAD the last few hours of the school day, and, when the bell would ring, i would CRY; literally. I didn't want to go home. Sometimes, when i was old enough to walk, i would purposely miss the bus so i could take my time walking home. Then, the last few years of middle school into high school, when i HAD to walk, my mother would give me a time limit to get home. When i had to run late for whatever reason, i would have to get a note from a teacher as to what i was doing... such as talking to  them about a grade or test (no other excuse was allowed, i wasn't allowed to participate in clubs or anything)

This song is very powerful for me, making it worthy for this week's Meaningful Music.

Tags:
Current Mood:
tired tired
Current Music:
Shaggy- It wasn't me
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— On July 18th, 2005 04:33 pm (UTC), tripink2 posted a reply · Expand
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